Darkness.

Darkness never felt so good. 

Have you ever wished you knew someone through and through their whole life story? I wish I knew all of him and honestly, I wish he knew me too. How is it that two miraculous teens consumed by darkness confused sunshine with sadness? Their very existence revolved around each other which is why their end was tragic.

Maybe I was naive to have thought we deserved our fate. Maybe my cry for him and his lack of a response was what would set me free. I still can't fathom how we got here. I blame the mere fact that our 'love' was fueled by lust. I blame him and his lack of self-control and me for being devoured by his charm.  

We were both blinded and uncertain of where we were walking. What we had was not love but simply a poor representation of passion. His way with words always caught hold of me before I could run away. He didn't need to chase me down because I always found my way back to him. That is the embodiment of self-infliction. 

Toxic relationships seem to often end the same way. Someone dying, losing themselves both figuratively and literally. Guess what I was going to fall victim to one.

My thoughts on love are forever changed because of the darkness I allowed into my heart. He taught me nothing but heartbreak, rejection, and the joy of ecstasy. He was the best and worst thing to ever happen to me because after him I found the real me. Someone who wouldn't settle. Most of all he taught me about patience. You can give someone as many chances to correct their wrongs but only they can fix it, you can only forgive and move on.

So I did just that I forgave and let him go. 

Though I let him go the idea of him still lingered so I went to the question that started it all. Have you ever wished you knew someone through and through their whole life story?

I had an answer which was YES. Even after him I still believe love exists and one day I'll find someone completely different. Someone who wouldn't confuse sunshine with sadness.

Written by Aja' Allen