Set free. (2/4)♡

I've finally accepted the simple truth that we can survive without each other, I just needed to push. Although the love I had for you was there it went away and I'm no longer guilty for feeling this way.

Love is definitely a tragic end game when people who are perfect for each other meet at the wrong time and it ruins their thoughts on love. I was in the wrong for holding unto something that wasn't there hoping it would reappear. You were wrong for simply loving me when I didn't love you back.

Life is a continuous cycle that waits for no one to catch up and even though it might be hard to accept it's better to believe now than later. My smile is much brighter knowing the burden of you no longer lingers. My happiness isn't fully regained knowing I took a piece of you with me. My heart aches thinking back at who I chose to be. Who we chose to be.

How I treated you is my only regret because you pulled me in and I kept surrendering when I should have cut the cable loose. All the outside influences didn't help and my inability to let go was weighing on my conscience. I guess we can't be perfect all the time sometimes we just have to accept that mistakes will be made. The most important thing is not to make the same mistakes twice. 

You were my first and now that we've departed from each I feel fractured. Yet, I'm sensing that we'll finally get to be our true selves. If we're fortunate enough in finding it. I'm no longer tied to our conjoint names that's yesterday's news and today's recap. Speaking to you on the phone has become insufferable every sound you make carries a weight that neither of us can bear.

I hate that we missed the chance in being who we wanted to be, together. I hope that someday you'll find it in your heart to forgive me for dragging you on a ride you didn't sign up for. I hope that when you think of me next you would have found a place for me in your heart that I broke. 

I'm no longer dying to escape, now I look back and smile knowing me ending it was for the best for us. With or without your forgiveness I'm moving on. I'll have to because the me I am today needs fixing so that I don't ruin someone else. Who would have thought that we would be here? Certainly not us. 

Some would say we're fools for believing we had a chance but in the beginning, we had no clue. Maybe a part of us thought we could heal each other. Maybe a part of us thought we were it. Maybe we were it. What does reminiscing solve? Nothing. Just helps in replaying the past. Knowing it can't be changed. 

I use to not want to be by myself, always happy to have someone around and share my deepest thoughts with. Now I know what it feels like to find solace in myself. The happiness to be alone. I'm not fully healed but I'll get there soon enough, somehow. Maybe.

For the first time in a long time, I feel free. I'm glad I made the choice that you couldn't make because our end wouldn't happen and then we would both be trapped. While I was longing to be set free. I find comfort in knowing I met you. There is no one like you and I know I'm not the only one that thinks that too. You might be the strongest of us two.

Here is the key to forgetting me if that's what you need. I don't ever want to be the reason that holds you back although knowing you no matter what you'll never allow someone to completely tear you down. Be happy knowing that I didn't carry you down with me because I couldn't forgive myself if I did.

I don't know where or who we will be 5 years from now but what I do know is that you gave me the kind of love I didn't deserve and still, you love me up until now. Your strong and you'll win and lose battles but you'll still be you. A diamond pure as gold.

What I felt for you was real, I just couldn't handle all that came with it. I wasn't ready for it. I thought I had it under control but I didn't. I am forever apologetic for my misdeeds portrayed unto you. I am not yet changed but I'm working on myself so that all the hurt I caused wasn't in vain. 

Love is something I'm yet to figure out but because of you I'll know to next time be more careful. 

Written by Aja' Allen

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