Aja's Serenity

My heart is pure and keen but those things they refuse to see.  What they see instead is my body and all the things supposedly wrong with it! Who are you to judge the thickness of my body? Is it not something that I already see? I dress with pride and dignity despite the weight I carry. Didn't you know fat girls could look pretty?  When I walk out I don't care how much your words carry. Once I leave the comfort of home I'm a changed woman and no one can stop me. Call me chubby the last time I heard that meant plump and rounded. That doesn't sound bad to me. Call me chubby, these days it's quite a compliment. Outer beauty attracts but inner beauty captivates. That I had to learn the hard way.  Broad hips that's what I like. Didn't you know fat girls could look sexy? My confidence scares men away but that's okay I wasn't quite interested anyway.  If you can't tell, I have a huge sense of humor.  My fat isn't always attractive but as long as I s...

How do I know I can even trust you? Your words are beautifully thought and put together. Not allowing any sense of vulnerability to escape once with me. How must I reveal myself to someone who is still questioning my unwavering support? How long must I wait on you to decide my worthiness of you? I understand you've been let down but so have I Yet here I am willing to give my all to you but yet you're still questioning whether I'm putting on a front.  Your broken heart is quickly breaking mine. Flowers presented before you days away have now shriveled and become dead. What does that say to our love, Has it now thankfully been ended? My love will never be enough for you but you already knew it wouldn't but choose to stray me along. No one will be good enough for you because you won't ever allow them to.  Your broken heart will never be mended and our time apart has slowly begun to repair my own from the damages you caused  Blame it on trust, trust that has been broken...

Who is a father meant to be, what are they meant to represent? I keep asking myself that question over and over again and I only come to one conclusion: they are meant to be their sons and daughter's first example of who a man is to be. I guess you could call me a minimalist. All I've ever wanted was my father's love. To me, it doesn't seem like a big ask. Parents are meant to be there for their children no matter what! They did carry us into this world so it's their job to stay and put in the work to build us into great human beings, not tear us down before we get a chance to live. The letter found below contains the words I wished I heard but never received. Dear 𝐃𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫,        Looking back at my life I'm not proud of the person I was. I'm disappointed that I couldn't be the person you needed me to be. I wish I could love you but how do you love someone that wasn't meant to exist? How do I accept you as my daughter when you weren't ...

I was here. When we die I suppose we all hope that we'll be remembered. That somehow our death caused great sadness. Or maybe it brought people together. Death isn't easy to grasp but it's something we all can't hide away from. Death will come knocking, even if you're not ready to answer the door.  Death came knocking today, but my God said no. He said not today, which means there will be a tomorrow. And that's something we all have to live with. Knowing that we won't always be here but at least people knew we were until no one remembers.  My biggest fear is being forgotten. Can you imagine investing in friendships and then watching them crumble? Your name once called with life now just a painful reminder of someone who is no longer there. I hope death doesn't hurt as much as dying does. I hope tears will be no more and smiles will be constant. I hope dying hurts less than accepting death.  If I die today, would I be proud of all I have accomplished? Yes...